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UNCENSORED VERSION
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Up until that point, my meaning and purpose was to get sober. My meaning and purpose was to become financially successful. I achieved both of those things, and there was nothing. It was kind of like, “Okay, now what?”
This feeling of emptiness, being alone, feeling alone, feeling disconnected—this God-sized hole it’s been referred to—being disconnected spiritually. How materialistic our culture has become, where we worship brands, brand names, looking good, even success. I’m not against having nice things, but to make money your god? This Instagram lifestyle, these pictures of people on yachts—
To me, that reflects soul sickness.
I’m not going to get into the darkness of my addiction right now and talk about the emptiness and loneliness of that. Instead, I’m going to talk about soul sickness while being sober. Just putting down the drink, putting down the drug—that alone does and will not cure soul sickness. Let me give you an example.
I remember I had about six or seven years of sobriety. I was living in California, doing really well financially. My life on the outside looked great. I had complete freedom. I lived on the beach, was a bachelor, had money, had resources. I remember taking all these trips, most of which were by myself because my other friends my age had a wife and kids, a family, responsibilities. The ones that were bachelors couldn’t get away from their work. Even though they were the boss and owned their own businesses, they couldn’t find time to join me on a trip.
And I thought, “Well, isn’t this a hell of a thing? I’ve lined everything up thanks to sobriety. I now have this beautiful life. But I don’t have a family to share it with. I don’t have a partner to travel with.”
There was one moment in particular that stood out. I went to Miami for the very first time in my life during this period. I stayed in this nice hotel, Fountain Blue. I was out on the balcony of this suite, right on the ocean, watching the sunset.
My first thought was, “My, this is beautiful, this is amazing. Look at me, look at this trip I’m on.” My second thought was, “This doesn’t feel nearly as good as I thought it would.”
Really, I thought, “What’s the point of doing this, of having this, if there’s no one standing next to you to enjoy it with?”
This isn’t some “poor me” story about how I got successful. Carl Jung talks about soul sickness as not having a sense of meaning or purpose. Up until that point, my meaning and purpose was to get sober. My meaning and purpose was to become financially successful. I achieved both of those things, and it was kind of like, “Okay, now what?”
I felt soul sickness, loss, this emptiness because I didn’t aim high enough. I didn’t aim high enough spiritually.
Even though I was doing some service work at the time—helping other men get sober and participating in AA—I thought that would be sufficient. I was active, secretarial roles, chairing meetings. At the time, I would have thought that was enough.
But I’m here to say it wasn’t. I mean, it’s a great first step, but once I got there, I hadn’t adjusted my goal to something much higher spiritually.
Maybe you can relate to this God-sized hole, this emptiness, this soul sickness in America and modern society. We’re taught to take some drugs, feel better. Drink some alcohol, feel better. Have a bunch of sexual escapades. But all of that is fleeting pleasure. It’s not sustained joy, true happiness, or contentment.
Society now—the religion is to buy stuff. Buy stuff; you’ll feel better, you’ll look better. Then, when that wears off, just buy more stuff. Keep buying stuff, and you’ll stay happy.
But we all know that doesn’t work. It feels good in the moment, but we’re being lied to. We’re sold that this is the American dream. No one tells us that it’s not going to cut it. Even if you accomplish all those cash-and-prizes goals, you’ll still feel lost. You’ll still feel empty.
AA definitely helped shape my way of connecting sobriety with spirituality. Thank you, AA, for that. Just a side note about why I’m not as active in it anymore—different people, places, and things get us to where we need to be, but sometimes we need something different to get further, to the next destination.
Man, I was on a roll, and I screwed that up.
Let’s talk about filling this God-sized hole. Recovery alone doesn’t do that. It doesn’t do the trick. I want to make the distinction between sobriety and recovery. Sobriety is just stopping—the drugs, the alcohol, whatever it is that’s taking you to your knees. Recovery is addressing the soul sickness: this emptiness, loneliness, lack or loss of meaning, purpose, and connection.
When I started to get sober in Los Angeles, I found a group of men called the Bravo Group. It wasn’t even an AA meeting; it was a men’s luncheon. That completely changed my life.
Those men taught me that sobriety and recovery could be more than just getting sober. There’s exhilaration in waking up every day, knowing you’re becoming the man you’ve always wanted to be. That light comes on in you, and the world responds to it.
Carl Jung would call this individuation—becoming whole, complete, and integrated.
Nature can help. Connecting with nature—we are nature.
So, if any of this resonates, please share your story. Our community needs to hear these stories.
